


this crude matter

by light_loves_the_dark



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Accidental Incest, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, F/M, Gen, Slight TLJ spoilers, Strong Sibling Bond, apologetic luke, biblical imagery, but if you're on the edge about it you probably shouldn't read, but then it's sort of not?, gratuitous use of the force, i am now realizing that this is A Lot, it's not meant to be romantic, luke loves leia more than anything, the raw human emotion reunion we all deserved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-20 03:45:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13138395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/light_loves_the_dark/pseuds/light_loves_the_dark
Summary: Rey returns to the Rebel Base with Luke in tow, having endured lesson after lesson on that deserted island. She vows that she will never again allow herself to be surprised by the power of the Force. She can’t afford it, not with her strange connection to Kylo Ren only growing.But somehow, the Skywalker twins’ reunion brings her to her knees.--The Force is a religion, but Luke Skywalker worships something else entirely.





	this crude matter

**Author's Note:**

> This plot came to me and I had to write it to feel clean again. 
> 
> I am so down to discuss this complex relationship with anyone, but no hate please!

It is not a word, nor an embrace, nor even a touch that changes everything that windy evening.

No, it is a look.

Even before that, Rey thinks, it is a mere feeling, a heaviness as soon as the Millennium Falcon enters the planet’s atmosphere. The Force gathers around them, clinging to Luke as he gazes through the glass at the earth beneath them, beckoning them closer, closer…

She wonders idly if twins have some sort of special psychic Force link before discarding the idea. Surely, then, the General would have found her brother sooner? 

Finn had come through the comm link earlier to tell her that they would have a small welcoming party. When she had asked Luke whether he wanted to know if his sister would be present, he merely shook his head. I know that she will be, he had said, waving off her questions of the Force’s abilities.

“I know my sister,” he tells her, wistful and tender.

But there is something else there.

The minute that they step off the ship together, Rey knows what it is. She can put a word to the feeling, and the Force settles heavy around her.

_Devotion._

Shameless, pure devotion. The heaviness suddenly feels more like a dagger to her abdomen. Leia is a mere ten feet away, tears glistening in her eyes. The steady flow of emotion increases exponentially with Leia added to the equation. The dagger twists. General Organa’s face morphing into some mockery of propriety is the last thing Rey sees before her vision whites and she falls to her knees.

In an instant, Finn is there, helping her to her feet. She mumbles something about distance, the sun, water… anything to get her away from these two _anomalies_ in the Force.

Luke barely spares her collapse a glance, eyes following his sister like she is the real gravity holding him to this world. Leia is the one that moves to worry over her, making a wide arc around her brother to lay a gentle hand on Rey’s forearm. “Are you well, dear?” she asks, a kindly grandmother taking the place of the extremely powerful Jedi she had seen only moments ago.

“Yes, yes, I’m fine,” she replies, short of breath. She moves away from Leia and into Finn’s embrace, unable to find balance in the Force in the presence of such imbalance. “Just in need of some rest; your brother is quite a slave driver,” she jokes.

It is the wrong thing to say. Not the joke itself, but evidently reminding the General of her brother’s presence is far from smart.

Luke feels it too. “Leia,” he murmurs softly. His eyes are still full of that reverence; it makes Rey uncomfortable just to feel it secondhand. She has never seen that kind of expression, not outside of a place of worship, and never that strong.

General Organa’s shoulders straighten. There is a brief pause, and then she swings around, striking him hard across the face. It is almost too swift of a motion to be visible.

Only, Rey has seen Luke stop flying rocks and her lightsaber arcing towards him at the same time while blindfolded. She knows that he could have stopped his sister. So why didn’t he?

Acting like she did not just strike a Jedi Master, Leia turns to the dark-haired man beside her. “Poe,” Finn helpfully whispers in Rey’s ear. She nods, following the twins’ interactions with a shrewd eye.

“Captain,” Leia directs,  “I must speak with my brother in private. Please ensure we are not disturbed.” With that said, Leia sweeps into the base. Only Rey feels the strong suggestion from the Force that Luke follow, and follow he does.

The rest of the greeting party can only watch as they disappear from sight.

“I would not want to be him right now,” Finn announces to Rey and Poe. Rey shakes her head in agreement.

Once she sleeps, she will try to piece together the wealth of knowledge that exchange had given her. The Force must intend for her to do something with the overwhelming love and faithfulness she had felt. It is genuinely terrifying to imagine that any one person could _feel_ that much. It must have some greater implication for the Jedi, for the Resistance, for the War.

But first, she will sleep.

 

 

***

 

 

Luke follows Leia through the mass of corridors. Hundreds of people, even droids, stop to stare at the Skywalker siblings. He is close enough to press a palm to her low back, even brush his fingers against her soft hair, but he refrains. The sting of her hand has faded from his cheek, but Luke treasures the faint tingling of his skin; it is proof that she is real.

Real, and mere inches from his grasp.

His emotions are still damagingly strong, making him reach out into the Force to prevent a physical reaction. He wonders where Obi-Wan and Yoda are now; certainly he is breaking some old Jedi code by making the choice to return, by feeling what he is feeling. Yoda has already struck down a tree for his ignorance.

He wonders if they have enough power to raze a forest to the ground.

Leia leads him into a medium-sized room, gesturing sharply for him to close the door behind him. The minute they are alone, and she sits down, he lets the façade of Jedi Master fall and drops to his knees before her. She looks down at him with frustration. He looks up at her with what can only be described as remorseful reverence.

“Get up,” she tells him, but he refuses. Not until he has atoned for all the pain he has brought her. It is dangerous being this close to her; the Force roils inside him, searching for an outlet. For all the lessons Ben and Yoda gave him about control, his emotions spiral with Leia. He senses it all: anger, hate, shame, pain. But also so much love he feels as if he is drowning.

“I’m sorry,” he tries to say, but it comes out as a whisper. The room they are in is mostly white, utilitarian and impersonal. It is fit for a general, of course, but he cannot help but draw parallels to the homey quarters on Coruscant. Han had traveled frequently, but Ben had been ever present for Luke’s long stays. He might have slept there more than Leia’s actual husband.

And then he had ruined it all. All of his sister’s beautiful, well-deserved life gone up in smoke.

“Get up, Luke.” She stares off into the corner of the room as if she cannot bear to look at him.

“Everything was my fault,” he admits, shamed. Logically, he knows that it is impossible. Many things contributed to the fall of the Second Republic. Emotionally, he is burdened down with his failure. He failed the new Jedi, mere children. He failed Ben, his nephew. And most of all, he failed Leia by destroying the good in her son, by leaving her without a word.

He knows that now, after Rey had shot him with truth after undeniable truth as soon as she had arrived on his little island. He had planned on letting the Jedi pass peacefully into nonexistence, but now… he would bring everything back if it would give Leia comfort.

He would do anything for Leia. And it scares him. Unwittingly, it spills out of him.

“I’m afraid, Leia.”

“So am I-” she begins, anger filling her tone.

“No,” he cuts her off, voice trembling, eyes fixed on her feet. “No, you don’t understand. You’re strong – you’ve always been so strong. I-” He stops, gathering himself. This thing between them is something he has lived with for decades. She knows, she has to know, but he needs to put a name to it. He isn’t strong enough.

He finally looks up into her bright blue eyes, _his_ eyes, pushing back the inherent wrongness in his torn and broken heart and focusing on her. “You don’t understand,” he repeats helplessly.

“I understand that you left me,” she says, voice quiet and resigned, and it is that, the exact opposite of his sister, that breaks him.

“I had to leave,” Luke says, reaching to take her chin between his thumb and forefinger. “Our father.. he turned to the Dark Side for love; I know it. And I would’ve done the same.”

Leia’s eyes widen, and she tries to look away. He refuses to let her, even as his hand begins to shake and hot, salty tears stream down his cheeks. The room itself vibrates with the tension between the Skywalker twins; Luke fears that they will not end this conversation without an explosion.

“Luke,” she tries.

“For you,” he tells her, “I would’ve done the same.” She tears her chin from his grip, and he buries his face in her skirts. He is a lonely old man, but he would do anything for her forgiveness. “I can’t hide it anymore, not from you,” he rasps. “The whole galaxy must sense it; that fire. It burns and burns, and I tried to run, I did, but I-”

A gentle hand cards through his hair, and it feels like the benediction of the Force. “Shh, my love, shh,” Leia murmurs. “You should know by now that I would forgive you anything. You’re here, Luke. Let’s just…” she trails off. He knows what she is asking; Leia has never been one to talk through her feelings, not with anyone. But he cannot allow silence, not anymore, and he resolves to disappoint her yet again.

Quick as lightning, he takes her hands in his, forcing himself to meet her eyes. He deserves to see the disgust that will build there when he finally tells her the ugly truth; it is the worst punishment that he can contemplate, but it is justified.

“I loved your husband,” he says, voice low and passionate in a way that scares even Leia. “I loved your son. I love the Alliance and the Republic. But I would destroy it all to protect you.” He swallows wetly, but his eyes are scorching. “I love you, Leia.” The agony and ecstasy he feels means more, so much more, than the words alone, but Luke knows that she can read it in his eyes.

In an instant, all the screens in the room shatter.

Neither of them look away. Leia’s eyes are tumultuous, and although her body is tense and her hands grip his so tightly that he is losing circulation, he feels a sense of peace from the Force.

He says nothing as he allows her time to process, her expression changing again and again before it settles on blank.

He scrambles to grip her hands tighter. “Don’t you dare shut me out,” he says roughly. “I deserve it; I deserve it all, but all I’ve ever wanted was your happiness, and all I’ve ever done is hurt you and your family because of this _sick, perverse-”_

The ground beneath them trembles.

Leia widens her eyes in panic before releasing her emotions into the Force. His are already spiraling in the air around them, and he basks in the wrenching combination of sick anticipation of knowing her true feelings and joy at being this close to the very soul of her.

She is feeling shame and a little disgust, and that hurts, but also love. Overwhelming love. Leia dreams and worries over her son and her brother in equal measure, and it shames her. He sees her tears spill over her cheekbones only moments before he feels his own.

“I love you,” he weeps, but the Force washes over him in comfort and he knows that he is right to finally admit it. “I’m so sorry, Leia – I was wrong to leave you. Han, Ben, and never, never you. _Force_ , Leia, I love you…” He curls into her skirts, eyes falling from hers.

He feels more than hears her breath in. “I know,” she tells him, simple and honest. It is a cruel bastardization of the longtime endearment between her and her dead husband, but it is apt in Han’s absence. Then, she takes Luke’s face between her hands and tilts his head up, bending down to press a chaste kiss to his lips. It is gentle and sweet and the idea of it has been haunting his dreams for decades, and he presses down the devouring urge that rises within him. His hands fist into the fabric of her dress with restraint, repressing emotions that are welling up inside him for the first time. He will not disappoint her, not in this.

They part, but she does not go far. “I don’t know if I can save him, Leia,” he admits, his face inches from hers. He could never lie to her.

His sister nods, knowing and sad. She moves her hands to brush back his tangled hair, scraping her nails along his scalp; he closes his eyes, awash in sensation. “Save yourself, then,” she instructs when he relaxes, watching him carefully. “Come home to me, Luke.”

She stands then, pulling him to his feet and into an embrace. He tucks her head under his chin and turns to look out at the stars. He says nothing. Her heart beats strong and he can hear it echoing with his; they have always been meant to be together.

“Don’t leave me,” she whispers. He wonders if she asked it of Han as well.

“I have to face him,” he responds, but even as he says it, he wonders if in this moment, it might be a lie. At any second, Rey might wake and be ready for training, the First Order could track them, or some crisis might force them into battle. Leia is a General, and he is a Jedi. The galaxy is not done with the Skywalker twins, not yet. But still, Luke hesitates.

With the only woman he has ever loved finally in his arms, the last Jedi doubts that even destiny could give him the strength to leave her again. She sighs in his arms, still and at peace. He clutches her tighter. There is a long moment of emptiness in both of their minds, and then:

the Force, slowly and lovingly, constricts around them.  

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
